I’m starting this feature wherein I write various essays based off of a words starting with any letter of the alphabet. Clearly, I won’t be going in alphabetical order– rather, it will be just whatever word/letter strikes me at a given moment. I’m also thinking I might do three or four words per letter, and that these essays could be a little more informal and off-the-cuff than what I usually write and publish on here. This could be a long project, and at the present time it’s also not very well thought out. But for this, especially since I’ve had some weird dreams lately, I figured I’d start with the letter “D.” So, here you go.
I’m abnormally fascinated by my own dreams. I would hardly begrudge myself this– in their own way they’re pretty awesome. It’s pretty much a movie in your head, that you create, without having to pay for production or actors or post-production or any of that stuff. And you don’t need any real skill.
I’m not sure if I’m the type of person who uses her dreams for divination purposes. I think I’m just too fascinated by them to really care or try to divine their meaning too much. Most often they just serve as a reflection of what’s going on in my life at the moment.
For example, last night I had a dream wherein I was on vacation. I am currently planning a vacation as of this writing, and am on a long weekend, so this part wasn’t too unusual. But it wasn’t where I’m planning to go– I believe it was Idaho or somewhere, but my lodgings ended up being on a group of nearby islands, which doesn’t entirely make sense as Idaho is landlocked. These islands had a long, Native American name. I didn’t really seem to mind this, nor the fact that I was driving. I’m not sure how, but I somehow came into possession of a car that I was supposed to drive. But in life, I don’t know how to drive. But in the dream, I was fine with winging it without a license, if a little nervous. I was looking up directions on Google Maps. I’m not sure how the ride went– I woke up shortly before then.
Dreams with me driving are not new. I think they’re my mind’s way of telling me to take charge, to grow up, or maybe just to learn how to drive. I’m nervous during a lot of these dreams, or I just take it for what it is. Sometimes I’m in the backseat while the car is driving itself. Other times, such as last night, I find that I have to be the one to do the driving. I used to have them all the time when I was younger, and then there were a number of years, namely during college and early adulthood, when I didn’t have them. Lately I’ve been having a couple, but in trickles, not the deluge of my younger years.
Later on that same evening, I had another dream where a former crush got married. This person did get married in real life, but unlike real life, I showed up at the wedding in the dream, though it’s unclear whether or not I was invited. I think at one point I even acknowledged it was a dream, because I remembered that I had not been invited, and didn’t show up to the wedding in real life.
It took me a while to actually arrive, and I may have been behind the scenes for a time, where the bridal party was. But eventually I was in the audience, where I saw my former crush walk up the aisle in a cowboy costume, accompanied by two similarly-attired men, who I assume were his groomsmen. The bride then walked up, but she was doing yoga poses rather than walking. It seemed as if no vows were exchanged. I remember walking out of the church, and then waking up.
The cowboy influence is clear– today is July 4th, and the cowboy is strictly an American concept. My Independence Day posts on my Tumblr are filled with cowboys, American flags, and Steve Rogers/Captain America. But the inclusion of the former crush’s wedding led me to believe that there may be unresolved issues there. I realized this, and accepted it.
Whatever dreams may actually be, they’re lovely to think about, particularly if they are good dreams. I never have the straight, outright good dreams– for example, that I’ve learned to fly or have just won the lottery. Rather, they’re almost uncanny, if strange, but since I accept the strangeness, it’s really no big deal. But in any event, it’s just another thing my brain does that fascinates me, and at the very least, I can appreciate that.